The Monster Guild
by velocity58
Summary: Five friends are trapped in the game Sword Art Online. Now they must escape with nothing but an open fantasy world with nearly endless possibilities to help them along the way. LET THE HILARITY COMMENCE!


Kasi

Kasi was reading her romance novel when she heard someone pounding on her bedroom door.

"Kasi! Oh my god! It's me!" Jimmy shouted from the other side. "Let me in! I have to tell you something awesome!"

Kasi sighed. She was getting to the part where Marry was going to kiss Sam. She put the book down and answered the door. Behind it a grinning Jimmy met her with glee. Jimmy was a tall man about her height with long, brown hair that went to his shoulders, amber, cat-like eyes, and a physique that could make any woman jealous. God knows Kasi was.

"Do you want to play a game?" Jimmy asked.

"What? Game?" Kasi asked. "What are you talking about?"

It just came out. It's this online fantasy and it's got swords and Joanna, Neil, and Ginger are waiting for you to say yes so we can play!"

"Well… what's the game?" Kasi asked.

"Sword Art Online."

Day 1

Kasi finished booting up the game and plugged in her virtual helmet. This actually seemed like a cool game. Rich atmosphere, unique play style, hell, it could be like Skyrim for all she knew. And she knew how much she and Jimmy loved it.

She lied down on her bed, closed her eyes, and slipped on her helmet. The game began.

X

Kasi woke in the middle of a town bustling with people. Some were NPCs and others were obviously new players. She smiled, as she looked throughout the game at the city and more importantly herself.

She had customized her avatar so she had brown, short hair instead of her flowing, red hair. She also made it so that she had bright, blue eyes instead of her pink eyes. Other than that her features were the same. She had light skin and a curvy body, but with less of a bust than she normally had. She wasn't too eager to having her boobs getting in the way when she swung a sword. Her noob gear was a blue and grey jumpsuit that kind of looked like a cross between the Pepboy suit from Fallout and a suit of armor. She couldn't wait to get better gear.

Just then she got an invite. She opened her menu and saw that Ginger was trying to invite her. She gladly accepted and she was in the party.

"Ginger." She said as she walked over to an alley where she was. "Where are…"

"Sh." Ginger said in her normal voice from behind the wall. Kasi stopped. "I can not be trusted. I thought you should know. For who would ever trust…"

Ginger jumped out from the alley. "A BLUE MAN?!"

Ginger's avatar looked ridiculous. She was a short, bald, old man with a long beard and blue skin. She was wearing blue noob gear like Kasi's and she looked downright silly.

Kasi pinched the bridge of her nose. "That's the character design you're going with?"

Ginger smiled and nodded. "I thought about making a regular old man, but then I was like, 'Nah! Blue guy!'"

Just then, Kasi got in invite from Jimmy. She smiled as she added him to her party.

"Sup ladies." A very effeminate voice called out from behind Kasi.

She turned around to see a beautiful woman coming toward her. She had pink hair, brown noob armor, and was about as curvy as Kasi was in real life.

"Um… do I know you?" Kasi asked nicely.

"It's me, Jimmy." The new girl said.

Kasi's jaw dropped. "Jimmy?"

Ginger burst out laughing. "Ha! You look so weird!"

"Look who's talking." Jimmy said as he smirked.

Kasi sighed. "Jimmy… why are you a woman?"

"The same reason why Joanna's a dude." He said as he pointed to a large, strong, black man who was gazing at himself with overwhelming joy. Kasi knew Jimmy meant him.

"Oh wow. Oh wow. OH WOW!" Joanna said in a handsomely deep voice as she looked over her avatar's abs, biceps, and pecs.

Kasi and Jimmy stared at Joanna with confusion and disgust.

"Yeah… suddenly I don't seem so sexist, huh?" Jimmy asked.

Just then, Kasi got an invite from Neil. She hesitantly accepted it as she prepared for the worst.

"Sup." Neil's voice said from behind Kasi.

She stood aside to see him. He looked exactly the same as he was in real life.

He was average height with grey eyes, pale skin with fleshed out cheeks, a line on his face that was clearly stitches, and a slim figure. He wore black noob gear.

"Um… Neil?" Jimmy asked. "You do know you can customize your character, right?"

"I'm aware." Neil said. "This is a first person game anyway, so when am I going to see myself?"

Jimmy looked at him for a minute, trying to find an answer.

"Huh… good question." He said.

"Hey, let's not get carried away with this, we got some questing to do." Kasi said, interjecting.

"Heckle yeah!" Ginger shouted.

X

Jimmy looked at the menu at the quest objective as he scoured the open field he was in.

"Okay… first quest. Kill ten boars." Jimmy said. "Seriously? What is it with fantasy games and boars? Do all fantasy writers have a boner for those beasts?" Jimmy closed the menu. "Fuck it, let's just kill some shit."

Jimmy drew his sword and charged for the first boar in sight.

"FOR LOARDERON!" He shouted as he lunged at the beast.

Unfortunately, just as he did, another player came in and killed the beast first. Making Jimmy hit the ground.

"Ow!" Jimmy shouted. "You ass, that was mine."

"Sorry, miss, I didn't see you." The man said.

"Yeah, and I bet you also didn't hear me shouting too. What the hell, dude?"

As Jimmy was yelling, another man ran over to them. This one had red hair and a bandanna wrapped around his forehead.

"Hey, Kirito." He said. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, this girl says I stole her kill."

"Damn right you did, fricki'n kill-stealer."

Kirito rolled his eyes and walked off. "Whatever."

He and the red haired man walked off.

"Yeah, go back to your side of the level. I bet you play Guild Wars 2 too!"

Kasi and the others rejoined Jimmy.

"You know, that wasn't very nice." Kasi said.

"Oh relax. He's just one guy in a sea of ten thousand other people. I'm sure we'll never see him again… ever."

Just then, Jimmy snapped his fingers and pulled up his menu. "Speaking of which, you guys need to join my guild!"

"Hold on, you made a guild?" Joanna asked.

"Damn right, brotha. Check it out."

Jimmy sent the invite to everyone. Kasi pulled up her menu and observed the name.

"Five Douchebags?"

"Damn right. It's gonna be us five against the world! Who knows, maybe we'll do some PvP too."

"By the way, what's with the logo?" Neil asked.

The logo was a picture of Jimmy in real life flipping the bird.

"It's me flipping the bird!"

"Yeah, but… why?"

Jimmy was silent for a moment.

"For glory, guys. FOR GLORY!"

Kasi rolled her eyes and accepted the invite followed by everyone else.

X

The boar squealed as Kasi and the others surrounded it.

"Last one guys!" Jimmy shouted. "This one's for the ten Cor!"

"Stay on target…" Neil said.

"This guy's a level 3, be careful." Kasi said.

"Stay on target…"

"Joanna, you take first hit." Jimmy said.

"Stay on target…"

"Neil, do you have to do that every time we fight something?" Jimmy asked.

Before Neil could answer, the boar charged Jimmy. Jimmy went to react, but Joanna got to the boar first, cleaving a portion of its skin off. Red pixels went flying.

"Okay, this one's mine!" Jimmy shouted as he went in for the kill.

And then… nothing.

Jimmy and the others stood in the beginner town square with the other players playing at the time.

"Oh come on!" Jimmy shouted. "Can't I get one kill without someone interrupting me?"

"Yeah, who summoned us?" Kasi asked.

Just then, the sky turned red and a gigantic figure cloaked in red appeared in the sky.

"Greetings players, and welcome to Sword Art Online." It said.

"I bet it was that guy." Jimmy said. "He must be the villain!"

"It's possible." Neil said. "All villains have threatening voices."

"You mean like yours?" Jimmy asked.

"Y-yeah."

"As some of you might have already noticed, the Log Out button from your menu is missing. I assure you that this is not a…"

(Okay, you know what? I don't want to repeat the exact scene from the show, so here's the footnote:

"You're all trapped."

"That sucks."

"Kay, bye."

Bam! Also everyone is back to their original selves.

Kasi is a curvy woman with fiery red hair and pink eyes.

Ginger is a short teenage girl with brown hair in a pony-tail with bangs. She also has nerdish/hipsterish glasses.

Neil and Jimmy are as I already described them.

Joanna is a curvy woman with long, black hair, pale skin, and red eyes (she's a vampire. and yes, they're monsters… just roll with it.)

Anyway, next scene.)

X

Jimmy and the others sat in the courtyard, pondering what to do. Kai's couldn't believe what she was hearing. She needed to go to work the next day. How could she do that if she was in the game?

"An electric shock, huh?" Jimmy asked. "If we try and leave they shock usin our sleep."

"If that were to happen, you and I might be able to survive it because of our natural defenses, but I doubt Joanna, Ginger, or Kasi could."

"The worst part is that our figures are back to normal. What are people gonna say when we're walking around with fangs, or yellow eyes?" Joanna asked.

Everyone was silent, searching for an answer.

"So what do we do?" Ginger asked.

"What do you mean?" Neil asked. Everyone looked at him as he spoke.

"We play the game."


End file.
